Infertility: control and lack of trust

Some of you know that for a few years we tried to have a child to no avail.
I am sharing this because I am so tired of seeing the same infertility storyline play out: suffering while waiting, forcing, striving, and yearning to get what YOU want, when YOU want it. Eventually pregnancy occurs through science or whatever, but then and only then, has “the miracle occurred.” This creates a message that suffering is inevitable and that the miracle is ONLY ONE thing: a child. This “normal” storyline does NOT have to be your story!!!!! I have gone through a major metamorphosis and I am here to share: you do not have to suffer. Suffering occurs when you are too attached to YOUR STORY, YOUR TIMING, & YOUR CONTROL OR LACK OF IT.

Suffering is the result of not trusting God/The Universe. As Trust increases, suffering diminishes. What if that’s the miracle? The ultimate trust you grow for your Creator, because that Trust will be NEEDED once you’re a parent! Hearing your baby’s raspy breathing in middle of the night, paralyzing you with fear over their health… you will need to trust God then. Or when your teenager isn’t home at curfew and your mind goes to the darkest places of the potentials. You will need to trust God then!!

There can be MANY miracles in this storyline, but its your free will to open your eyes to notice.
God cannot do it for you. I suffered for a year or two, and it gave me intense clarity of how I DO NOT WANT TO FEEL. I decided, I am done feeling this negative way. Thats where my story really began. I decided- God, I am open to what you want for me.

Not getting pregnant was one of the greatest blessings of my life because I gained Surrender!
I want what The Universe wants for me now, not what I think I want. I trust God MORE than myself. Thats where I am at right now and I am so proud of myself. I have no “certainty” about children, but I am certain that the Universe has my back. These are just words to you, but I FEEL them in my truth center. My belief of Trusting God is now congruent with my actions and thoughts!!! Truly: I have no attachments to becoming a mother, or not, or how, or when. I shed it all. Honestly, there is more to me than motherhood!!!! I would choose this path again and again without knowing how It all pans out. I am so thankful and happy that I want everyone else with my similar story to KNOW they don’t have to follow the same path of suffering any longer. If I can find this Happiness and Peace again, you can too!

“There is a life to be lived in the waiting,” is hardly true for me anymore. I have stopped waiting for the future or ANY future event and instead, I am living in my present. I am not guaranteed tomorrow. I have lost things in the snap of a finger before…. so I understand the fragility of life. I choose to recognize how blessed I am right now and I don’t dare focus on the one thing I feel is missing. Nope, I am not doing that any longer.

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