thethe blog.journal

The most pivotal moment in my spiritual journey

Most of the words I will use in this post are from Matt Kahn’s
Youtube video Emotional Oneness.
I watched it in January 2015 and IT CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER.
He gives the earth-shattering perspective of:
“the ego is just an inflated character the inner child concocts
as a way to get the attention from others it feels it didn’t gain from the past.
Do NOT bring spiritual or religious philosophy to your innocence!
The inner child perceives spirituality as what is more worthy of you attention.”
The ego is not BAD!!! It is NOT something we need to get away from, shut down, or quiet.
The ego is our inner child wanting the love and attention it deserves!
Jesus says, “If you bring forth what is in you, it will save you. If you do not bring forth what is in you, it will destroy you!”
He also encourages us to become like Little Children often! Translate it however you desire,
but I believe Jesus is talking about our inner child, aka what we like to call our ego.
The most important step in recognizing the ego is just our inner child wanting love,
is apologizing so deeply to our innocence. In the Youtube video,
Matt leads us through an apology that I wrote out:

“Dear Inner Child, I AM SO SORRY if you ever felt hurt, abandoned, rejected, or doubted by anyone in the past. Or if you’ve ever felt I have lived in such a way that excluded you from my experience, made you feel less-than, humiliated, judged you, called you an ego by thinking you’re a barrier to God, that you’re something for me to get away from, as if you weren’t a pivotal part in my journey. I am sorry if my spirituality made you feel like the invisible sibling thats never enough for my attention. I am sorry if lovers seemed more important than loving you. I am sorry if you ever felt unsafe around people I surrounded myself with. I am sorry I did not hear your requests and instead made other people validate my existence instead of keeping you safe. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Let this moment be a restart. Where we make peace. The body and the mind reunite and we come together so that the war in me can end! As a conscious parent to my own innocence, that no longer has to act so desperately to earn my loving approval and no longer has to create external crisis in order to motivate me to send love to it. I LOVE YOU. I AM SORRY. Please forgive me! I did not know how deeply you hurt! and I vow from this moment forward to keep you safe, that allows you to speak whatever you need to say, that listens to anything you want to share and that loves you and adores you as ONLY I can love and adore you!”

Not everyone will understand this post and thats totally okay!!!
But to the ones who are currently trying to get away from their ego:
I truly hope this can be a restart for your body and mind.
If you need help talking to your inner child, find a photo of yourself under the age of 10
and talk to that little child. You would never talk negatively or bad to them! Only unconditional Love!!!
Try treating your adult self with the same graciousness you would give to a child.

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The Gift Of Staying Married vs Giving Up

We DEFINITELY got married too young
(22 & 26)…..
yet, we wouldn’t change the course we chose.
Nostalgia surrounds our beginning years, as we swam in our youth,
trying to find ourselves, our passions, and a path we could walk together…
this is probably why in Year Eleven, we feel the most grounded and fulfilled we’ve ever been.
I think mostly because each of us are presently living our dreams and fulfilling our own souls,
so that when we come together, God, we’re happy. It’s taken us this long to finally end
our disagreements with blown out LAUGHTER.
In Year Eleven, we had the most soul riveting moment at a restaurant when we caught each others eyes,
locked it in, and both started crying, over “nothing,” but we both knew our souls saw each other in that moment,
in a way we have never seen each other before. It was a new moment for us.
Thats the gift of sticking together versus giving up.
We had a season of marriage when we had to choose to stand up and fight for it,
and now looking back, the moment in the restaurant is why I will always fight for us:
when you choose a growth-centered relationship, the best is always yet to come.
Each year is better because we are consciously choosing to be self aware of our own baggage,
trying to communicate better than in the past, and trying to resolve conflict better than before!
A growth-centered relationship is much less likely to fail if its always learning, growing,

Book recommendation: We love the book Hold Me Tight By Dr Sue Johnson!

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Loving Children Teaches us What Unconditional Love Feels Like

It feels like the purpose of children is to learn and experience the TRUE FEELING unconditional love,
and then to understand THATS how much our Creator loves us!!!
AND that’s how the Creator wants us to love OURSELVES & EVERYONE ELSE.
Now that you know how unconditional love feels, start trying to apply it to yourself!!
Love yourself the way your mother loves you. Or start treating yourself how you want your daughter to treat herself.
Take these examples of love and apply it somewhere else! It’s hard. But It’s not suppose to be easy… that’s the point.
I don’t think we’re meant to have children and only love THEM unconditionally.
I think we learn how unconditional love feels via children, but then we could go out into the world
and spread that love to others and ourselves though Grace, Mercy, and Empathy.
Stop being so hard on yourself, your partner, or your child. That’s called grace.
Give up the “shoulds” and expectations and know you’re doing the best you can-
We all are doing the best we can with what were given!


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Pictured Rocks Wedding + Tom and Faren

THIS IS MY SISTERS WEDDING!!!!!! Honestly the best day of my life!!!!!
It was held near the Pictured Rocks in Upper Michigan!
THE most gorgeous area in Michigan, hand to God :P

We’re a family of photographers so this post is a complete collaboration of photographs
between myself, Boy Girl Beauty World, Cole Denver, and Kelly F Peterson.

The stars of the weekend were, of course, the babies, Gus and Archie:

Guys, I’m actually am IN photographs!!!!!

We had to canoe to get out to Lake Superior to swim and for the ceremony.. it made for AWESOME photos!

This is my favorite. Dylan’s capture of Marisa bringing the wedding dress to where the bride is:

Faren’s hair, makeup, floral crown, and bouquet were all a collab between her friends!!!!! AMAZING.

My cousin Heather was the makeup pro:

Faren is a painter/artist so she PAINTED FLOWERS onto her Free People dress ahhhhhh

Gus’ butt. yup.

They walked to their ceremony together: )

Everyone. cried. Everyyyyone.

This was during a Native American blessing… the quilt is by my talented quilter friend Emily Dennis!



^^^^^Those were vegan burgers: ) you thought they were beef right: )

Straight nudity haha:

I think this is soooo funny, photographer mom making her kid pose for photos:


This wedding was exactly how I think weddings should be: )
In beautiful nature… with a small collection of your favorite people.
No pretty details or table vases to stress over…
Did you notice there was none of that? None. Only nature, people, and gooooood food: )

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A message from my deceased dad

I haven’t had a visit in my dreams from my deceased dad for many years.
You know the type that are SO vivid you can smell, hear, and see every ounce of the scene as if it’s real life…..
but you know in your heart It is 100% real…. Whatever “real” means anyways….
“what is real? what you see and touch or what you feel?”
Anyways, in my dream, I was hugging my dad from the back so that my arms were thrown around his neck
and my face was so close I could see every pore and acne scar from his youth,
but also his piercing blue eyes and pointy little nose, that none of us kids inherited
(the nose, we definitely inherited the eyes). Then he said to me: “I visit every now and again-
and I really don’t care what the yard looks like, I’m simple like that.”
When I woke up, I didn’t understand what he said until I was drinking my coffee out in our backyard
by the pool and I saw a dragonfly (which are often known to be the spirits of loved ones who passed.)
Then It was like a lightening bolt- omg, my dad sees the mess of our backyard!!!
We will eventually renovate it, but until then; it’s a hottttt mess!
And it’s a constant conversation between Malc and I… Malc wants to renovate it ASAP, I on the other hand, could wait.
I believe My dad definitely has seen our backyard with his angel eyes. He’s been here.
He told me that specific message so I would know without a doubt he visits us!
How beautiful is that!! (In the dream I also asked my dad- what do you want me to know!??
And I remember nothing of his answer because I really think the spirit realm doesn’t want to give away secrets!
They want us to live our life without shortcuts haha. Maybe my soul received the answer from
him but my human mind definitely did not)

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