Amongst the party chatter
and busyness of a house that is over capacity,
my eyes quickly recognize the two souls in the room
that call home differently than the rest of us,
my father and his father.
Oh how I miss them….
Oh how I want to remember him as if I only saw him yesterday!
Not 10 years ago!
So I walk across the room to find those blue eyes…
the only blue eyes in the world that witnessed my birth,
changed my 128740 diapers,
tightened the laces of my hockey skates all winter long,
scooped heaping balls of ice cream into my bowl
(with a dash of fudge sauce)
because mom was out of town,
and ran however many miles it was to the gas station,
in rain, sun or, snow,
every time we ran out of gas or the car broke down.
Now standing face to face,
I bring my hands to his pointy nose, his ears, his cheekbones…
memorizing the scars, the lines, the shapes, the sun spots,
so that I will never forget.
I continue to close my eyes, imprinting the memory,
and opening my eyes,
ever more happy he did not disappear or leave….
like he has done before.
My camera!!
I remember I have my camera at this family gathering,
so I instruct everyone in the room to come together.
I take special notice of my dad and my grandpa
amongst their sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, and uncles.
It’s feels so normal….
We know they have passed on,
yet it’s normal for them to still be at this party.
I click the shutter
then look at the screen on the back of the camera,
saddened that where my Dad and Grandpa were standing,
are now empty spaces.
Nothingness.
They did not show up in the photo.
I know they were there, yet my eyes didn’t see them.
But I know they were there,
because they are always there.
We may not physically see them
but they are there,
as alive and happy as ever….
ready to give us special messages,
(either awake or dreaming)
but only if we are open,
willing,
and ready.
