The Biggest “aha!” Moment of My Life

(Most of the words I will use in this post are from Matt Kahn’s Youtube video Emotional Oneness. I watched it in January 2015 and IT CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER.)

I typically struggle with not feeling “number one” from my husband. I ALWAYS want to feel special… I always want to be his center of attention: ) Sometimes he may say or act in ways that, to my mind, I perceive as “he doesn’t care enough,” or ” he’s ignoring me!” These tiny wounds or hurts, are inside of us and if we do not understand them, we point our finger towards our partner/best friend/ mother and BLAME THEM for these wounds. But they should NOT be blamed because truthfully what they are REALLY doing is, pointing a BIG flashlight on the cracks within us that need more love, more healing, more attention…. from ourselves. NOT from our partner, not from our best friend. From US. We need to become the person we want other people to be towards ourselves.

In the YouTube video, Matt Kahn gives the earth-shattering perspective of: “the ego (mind) is just an inflated character the inner child concocts as a way to get the attention from others it feels it didn’t gain from the past. Do NOT bring spiritual or religious philosophy to your innocence! The inner child perceives spirituality as what is more worthy of your attention.”

The ego/the mind is not BAD!!! It is NOT something we need to get away from, shut down, or quiet. The ego/our mind is our inner child wanting the love and attention it deserves! Jesus says, “If you bring forth what is in you, it will save you. If you do not bring forth what is in you, it will destroy you!” He also encourages us to become like Little Children often! Translate it however you desire, but I believe Jesus is talking about our inner child, aka what we like to call our ego. The most important step in recognizing the ego is our inner child wanting Love, is apologizing so deeply to our innocence. In the Youtube video, Matt leads us through an apology that I wrote out:

“Dear Inner Child, I AM SO SORRY if you ever felt hurt, abandoned, rejected, or doubted by anyone in the past. Or if you’ve ever felt I have lived in such a way that excluded you from my experience, made you feel less-than, humiliated, judged you, called you an ego by thinking you’re a barrier to God, that you’re something for me to get away from, as if you weren’t a pivotal part in my journey. I am sorry if my spirituality made you feel like the invisible sibling thats never enough for my attention. I am sorry if lovers seemed more important than loving you. I am sorry if you ever felt unsafe around people I surrounded myself with. I am sorry I did not hear your requests and instead made other people validate my existence instead of keeping you safe. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Let this moment be a restart. Where we make peace. The body and the mind reunite and we come together so that the war in me can end! As a conscious parent to my own innocence, that no longer has to act so desperately to earn my loving approval and no longer has to create external crisis in order to motivate me to send love to it. I LOVE YOU. I AM SORRY. Please forgive me! I did not know how deeply you hurt! and I vow from this moment forward to keep you safe, that allows you to speak whatever you need to say, that listens to anything you want to share and that loves you and adores you as ONLY I can love and adore you!”

Not everyone will understand this post and thats totally okay!!! But to the ones who are currently trying to get away or SHUT DOWN their ego/mind : I truly hope this can be a restart for your body, mind, and soul.
If you need help talking to your inner child, find a photo of yourself under the age of 10
and talk to that little child. You would never talk negatively or bad to them! Only unconditional Love!!!
Try treating your adult self with the same graciousness you would give to a child.

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